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Secrets Revealed for Successful Dating!
What Up My Singles? Welcome to our singles dating tips and advice archives! Read through these articles to help gain an edge on the competition! Knowledge is power, and if you truly seek a successful online dating experience, familiarize yourself with as much info as you can and you're sure to safely find the perfect match in no time! 40 million singles can't be wrong!
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Consider the following: A young man, during a conversation in their car, asked his wife if she would like
some ice cream as they headed towards home. The wife said no, and the man kept
driving. Later the wife realized that her husband had wanted to stop, and was
frustrated because he had not received the response he was expecting. "Why
didn't you just say what you wanted?
Why the unnecessary games?" In fact,
what had happened was that both the young people had misunderstood each other.
The husband perceived the wife's answer, no, as one that could not be negotiated
with.
The wife on the other hand, misunderstood the husband's question and read it
as a direct question, rather than the start of a conversation towards what both
may have liked or wanted to do.
Why does this happen? These kinds of misunderstandings
typically arise thanks to the basic differences in the ways those men and women
think and speak. Men, generally involve themselves in the world as individuals
that compete within domains of power and achievement.
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They are either up or down, or winning or lose. As part of their nature, their
communication tends to lean towards maintaining the status quo or gaining domination,
in a continuance of the larger instinct for survival and independence. Women,
on the other hand, see themselves in world as individuals within a network of
different connections. In that world, conversations are tools to negotiate closeness
and intimacy and to avoid isolation.
Please note that this does not mean that
women do not care about status or those men are hardened to intimacy but rather
in a general outlook they are focused on different goals. Men and women differ
in how they express almost everything.
Examples: Coping with conflict and problems: Childhood Studies show
that males appeal to resolve situations by violence and rules. Girls attempt
resolution through harmonious consensus and discussion.
Asking questions: Women show concern to people's problems by asking
relevant questions. Men are more likely o remain silent or to change the subject
out of respect since the male assumption is that extending discussion would
make the problem more serious and therefore make the other man feel worse.
While
both approaches are valid, problems can start when we start to pretend that
men and women express their thoughts and feelings in the same way, and when
we don't see the differences, the misunderstandings begin.
Confessions: Women are more willing to reveal emotional secrets, because
the payoff in intimacy may be worth the risk. Men are less likely to take that
risk for fear of being one down and are more inclined to talk about ball games
or local politics.
Apologies: When women say, "I'm really sorry," it's to often
establish a connection with the other person, and really means, "I'm sorry
that you feel bad about this - I do too." For men, however, an apology
denoted an admission of fault.
While both approaches of thought are equally valid, problems arise when we
pretend that men/women express and think in the same way. Men and women who
understand each other's conversational styles and expressions are more easily
able to express them ...understand each other and have a happy relationship
as follows: A young man, during a conversation in their car, asked his wife
if she would like some ice cream as they headed towards home. The wife said
no, and the man kept driving.
A few minutes later, however, she said, "I
know someone else, though who would like some." The man, smiling turned
and looked at her as he asked "Oh yeah - and who might that be?"
"Well, he's this wonderful handsome man - why don't we swing by Baskin
Robbins? I'll introduce you to him, and he may even buy me a scoop.. :)
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